ACK!  

Friday, November 12, 2004
  Mars Needs Women!

And, according to today's Austin American Statesman, Mexico needs donkeys. (No online link available, alas.) I have not actually read the story. The headline is enough to get my motor running. Immediately images come to mind viz the American political scene. After all, there is a school of thought that claims America needs more donkeys as well. Probably not a good idea to ramp up a 60's style "donkey gap" hysteria - if for no other reason than the hell you'd have to take from the PC (i.e. donkey) crowd over the phrase "donkey gap."

Still, less direct but more creative solutions also intrude. Could we contribute from our vast over-supply of horses' asses? Even if there is no actual profit to be made on the exchange, surely we could fashion a win-win for us and our southern neighbors. How about our superabundance of jackasses? High-quality, first-rate goods - and our major supply is in LA, just a few miles from the Mexican border. Many of them have already voiced a desire to quit our shores, so we might be able to make the transfer without incurring any shipping charges at all. As an added bonus, almost all of them have considerable experience "working with" Mexicans in the agricultural and personal services industries.

My only caveat is that this has to be one of those "all sales final"-type deals. We'll have to make the re-stocking fee exhorbitant to discourage any returns.

I'm psyched. I'm pumped. I think we can do this. Oh, I know that it's an ambitious goal, but just how often do you have the opportunity to do so much good for so many people at one time?

To paraphrase one of those old, dead, white, male, European poets:

A man's reach should exceed his ass, or what's a NAFTA for?



 
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